5 weeks 3 days and 6 hours

In the dark alley ways of Compton, LA there lived a man whose life was twisted by a past of gang violence and drug abuse. A man willing to put all of it on the line for the one he loved………………………………………………………..

I just checked myself out of rehab today. I have been going there for about 6 weeks now but I have only been clean for only 5 weeks 3 days and 6 hours. That is a big thing for me. I have used drugs all my life. It has been so hard trying to quit. Having that desire, that need, that want for the drugs, waiting sometimes I got so tired of waiting I would scream “WHY!” But no matter how much I yelled or screamed, my cravings were still so bad I needed to inflict pain upon my self just to stop. No matter how hard I try, a little bit of drugs could start my addiction right back up again and I don’t want that.

I miss her more than words can ever say. She meant every thing to me. I look down at my wedding band and I feel the pain. Sometimes I can’t look at it because of all the guilt I feel. She was the sun in the morning that brightened my day and the stars at night showing me the way home. She knew the risk. She had wanted to date me, a low-life thug who wanted out, but kept getting dragged back in.
Throughout my life I have had my share of problems, but my largest problem was running into Chris, also known in his gang as ‘Gunner-ship.” He was given his name for countless acts upon the public such as drive-bys, robberies, and hostage stick ups. To him I was just a tool in his game of life. But one day he took it too far and tried to turn on me.
The day was calm and cool, my wife and I were coming home from church. We had just approached an intersection, there were no cars in sight as we waited at the slowest red light in the city. There was an ear piercing screech, a black car with tinted windows came flying by us.
The passenger was male. He was bald and had a lazy eye. He pulled out a mini Uzi. Then right there time froze for me , life then flashed before my eyes, my first birthday, then my parents anniversary but the moment which I remember the most clear was my first kiss, the smell of fresh roses, calm gust of air and my wife looking at me with her big blue eyes and soft lips. She wore a dress that looked like it was crafted for a god. Her hair bounced as we laughed, then she leaned over to my and gave me a big kiss on the lips.
Then reality came back. But at the last few seconds I had with her I starred at my wife, her eyes big as flying saucers but the last sound that came from her mouth was a spine shivering scream. He unloaded 60 rounds into my wife the bullets pierced my car and wife like a hot knife through butter. I was helpless all I could do was watch my wife get murdered. Then there was silence as I gazed at my wife. The window covered in a thick layer of her blood. Her eyes were rolled back and blood was starting to pool by the floor mats, my eyes started to sweat and my heart raced. I knew she was not the target I was, because I stole drugs from him.
Now it’s my turn to get revenge. I plan to kill everyone in that street gang. I packed my car hiding my guns in the trunk. As I make a mental check list in my head I think, fed the dog? Check. Shut all the doors? Check. Crap! My TV is still on, got to turn that off. I might as well say good bye to Mr. Frank, my neighbor. He is a good neighbor.
I walk next door to Frank’s house, he is an older man. He has a perfect lawn, fresh and green, but his house can use some fixing up. The paint is peeling and there are rusted pipes everywhere. Frank is a very talkative person. He told me a lot of stories, but the ones I recall the best are the ones about him in the army. He was a strapping young lad eager to get out there and shoot the enemy. But through all the wars Frank’s body was the one that took the damage. Frank stumbled to the door and placed his hand on the wall bracing himself upright. He wore a wife beater t-shirt with a beer stain on it. His shorts were grey and tight and on his feet he wore socks and sandals.

“Who is there?” Frank hollered.

I replied “It’s me Rob, how are you doing today sir?”

“Well I am doing good, do you want to come inside?” as Frank scratched his bald head.
“Frank can you do me a favor and watch the house? I will be gone on a trip for a little bit”
Frank replied with a smile on his face “Sure, but only if you watch the Wheel with me later this week?”

“No problem.” I said back.

Frank stared into my eyes. He sees that I am going through a hard time. Frank wants to help, but since his heart is failing he needs to stay home most of the time. Since her murder Frank has been worried about me. He is also worried about what I am going to do.
There it is, the hang out for that drug ridden street gang that worked for “Gunner-ship.” Here we go I say to myself. I step out of my car with two pistols in my hands and a grenade in my pocket ready for when it is needed. Then a chill went down my body and freezing me dead cold, as I realize that this is not my way of life it is my need for revenge.
Then something made me snap out of my epiphany. Pain shot up my leg then in my chest as two guys came out of the hang out with guns held up. They were both drunk and stumbling and they had seen my guns and scared, they fired. They had known who I was too because the gang was out to get me. Then I went black, my body was laying there on the cold hard ground, blood pouring from my wounds like an open faucet.
I woke up in the hospital one hour later. I was bandaged up like a mummy. The doctors said I was not going to make it through the night. Then I found out that Frank was dead. He had been on his way to the hospital to see me, when he was hit head-on by a drunk driver and was killed instantly. I felt helpless, as these rivers started coming from my eyes and I started to cough up this dark red liquid. I felt pain but it did not hurt as much as the feeling of losing the last person who cared for me. As I sit there, I remember the time I had with her and Frank, all the dinners and movie nights. The liquid did not stop until I was dead. The dark liquid filled my lungs and I died slowly and most painfully.

here is a link to our zine http://students.hthma.hightechhigh.org/~mhammond/zine.pdf